When I Become the Peace I Was Begging For

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There was a time when I thought I needed closure to heal.

When I believed that understanding why would somehow quiet the storm in my chest.
When I thought if I could just explain how deeply I loved — maybe, just maybe — the pain would feel lighter.


But I was wrong.

The truth is, some answers never come. Some people leave without explanation. Some love stories end not with a dramatic conclusion, but with silence… and silence is a heavy thing to carry.


For a while, that silence swallowed me.
Every day felt like waking up inside a memory I didn’t ask to relive.
The tiniest things would bring it back — a song, a place, a line from a movie, a date on the calendar.


And each time, my mind would jump. My heart would flinch.
Like some invisible string kept pulling me back to something already gone.

But recently, something shifted.

Not overnight — slowly, almost quietly.
I started to find comfort in something else.
Not in people. Not in distractions.
But in creation.

I found peace in building something that’s mine.


A space. A purpose. A path.
My website, my vision, my future.
It sounds small, but it’s not.
It’s everything.


Because when you’ve lost so much…
When love has been stripped away, and people you trusted become strangers…
The act of building something — anything — becomes sacred.


It becomes a way of saying, I’m still here.
I’m still standing.
And I refuse to stay broken.

These days, I don’t daydream about being seen or noticed again.


I don’t rehearse conversations in my head.
I don’t wonder if I’ll ever be missed.
Because it’s not about being missed anymore.
It’s about becoming someone I don’t want to lose.


That has changed everything.

Now I wake up with quiet determination.
Not to prove anyone wrong, not to show off, not to make anyone regret —
But to keep choosing myself.
To keep becoming.


And if anyone from my past happens to see me now, I hope they feel peace too.
Not regret.
Not shame.
Just peace.

Because this journey I’m on?
It’s no longer about who left or why they did.
It’s about who I’m becoming despite it.
Because peace isn’t something I found in their apology…


It’s something I found in my persistence.

I used to beg for closure.
Now I am the closure.


For Empress, always.

— Jaes

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